You can keep your Scolas, your Dolans, your Schonbörn with the fancy pants umlaut over the “o” and all that. I’m putting every last dime of my savings on His Beatitude Moran Mor Baselios Cardinal Cleemis Catholicos.
And can’t you just smell the fear in the Curia? If only because Cleemis is the only Cardinal at the Conclave who wields a scimitar? I’m telling you all: this man is IT. The Conclave is over before it begins! Call off the dogs! No, they aren’t going to vote for Bertone–he’s a Company Man. And, no, they aren’t going to vote for Peter Turkson–that would only confirm St. Malachy’s prophecies about the last pope and then we’d all be doomed; the Cardinals aren’t stupid, you know.
I don’t care if you like Piacenza–he cannot defeat Cleemis. I don’t care if you’re koo-koo for Coccopalmerio–he cannot defeat Cleemis. It’s Cleemis, I tell you! He’s the next Pope! He’s the best-dressed Cardinal at the Conclave. Open your eyes, people!!!
Note: as per legal counsel, the author of this post reserves the right to delete this post on the day of the election. Thank you.